Most theories of mental illness leave out the most important part. They talk about coping with the illness. They tell you how to manage the bipolar…. what to do and what not to do. And they tell you if you follow these prescriptions that everything will be all right. Get the right medications, get a therapist, make the necessary life style adjustments- follow the list and all will be fine. But for most people it is really not that simple.
It is about coping, but it is more than that. It is about coping with coping. Anytime a human being is faced with negative, threatening, painful, life altering circumstances the process of coping with those circumstances can have as much affect as the circumstances. Being human gets in the way.
Loss, grief, anger, betrayal, discouragement, fear, courage, blame and resentment are just some of the many issues that describe how we cope with coping. It is a major reason that I believe peer support is so important a part of recovery. It is not because peers know more about the illness. They know more about the coping.
One lady told me about her therapist: “She knows everything about bipolar disorder. It is amazing how much she knows. But she knows little about me with bipolar. I have done so many things I am ashamed of. I have hurt so many people and have been hurt probably as much by others. I want the things that others have, but have about given up hope. It is a good day if I dont think about my own death. I wish I could talk more with her about the hurt and less about the illness. It is one thing I like about support groups. I am safe with the hurt.”
How are you with the hurt? I know many people who spend their entire lives trying to simply find a way to feel better. Rather it be drugs, alcohol or whatever they are looking for medication for the pain. I know others who live in isolation. People are pain and it is too threatening. I know others who always seem one word or gesture from battle. The world has done them wrong and they are always on the defense.
Above all you are human. And maybe that is the hardest part.
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