Second look: Till the coming of new day

November 20, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

Till the coming of new day

 

 

                              In the night of life

Hope seems small and quiet

And shivers before the wind

That cuts to the bone

And clings like a tight fitting coat

That cuts off all movement

But never brings enough warmth.

 

Sadness

Brings its own night

Its’ clock seems somehow stilled

And day

A tissue-paper memory

That comes apart in our hands

As we try to bring it close and real

 

Weariness hangs in the air

And is in every breath

As hearts

Grow tired and slow

And wonder at

The absence of the sun

 

Reaching in the dark

For new places

We feel like we are

One mistake from

Being forever lost

And stop fearful

Afraid to move

 

Dear God

Move among the shadows

Of our despair

Show us in Your love

That darkness is

Only of the moment

And that in reaching

To each other there

Is warmth and comfort

And the assurance of

New day and new light

 

God bless us

And leave us assured

That even in the coldest and darkest

Of nights

That You give warmth and shelter

Till the coming of new day

 

 

On disdain and contempt

November 20, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

Much of our public discourse has come down to an argument about who deserves our contempt.  Sometimes it seems that believing anything  means  nurturing a deep personal disdain for those who disagree with us.  Conversation about important things is a matter of who calls the most names in the most convincing fashion.  In our zeal to doubt the integrity of others, we ignore that the labeling and stigma we apply to others leaves our own integrity in sad repair.

All is noise, and in the frantic attempts we make to turn the volume up, the answers we seek seem more illusion than real.  Our “truths” no longer bring us closer together, but seperate us into opposing camps where we comfort ourselves with pretensions of purity and purpose. 

Ideology has replaced ideas and what we believe we know is not important because of what it tells us about the world,  but because of how it defines who we are.  We have become banner people and think in sound bites and slogans.  

This is played out in all kinds of arenas.  Our politics seem to deny the possibility of integrity for anyone.  We are too embroiled in the process of  slander and name calling and the consequences of political actions so often seem of little concern or worry.  It all seems to be about making a point and being right.  I have this vision of all the little Pharisees running around pointing to themselves while their country faces destruction.  We prize those things that polarize us and leave those that pull us together unattended.

I think that I am naive.  I dont think meaness and cruelty in the service of purity is ever okay.  I think we need to be less concerned with what we know or what we believe, and more concerned with who we are.  A truth that obligates me to disdain others and see them at best as stupid, if not immoral doesnt seem to me to much of a truth.

I believe I can stand up for what I believe without insisting that others stay seated.  I believe that Fox News is not the only template for reality.  I believe the difference between Rush Limbaugh and God is that God at least knows he is not Rush Limbaugh.  And I am every so thankful that I am not God.

My faith tells me 2 things above all others.  God is the father of all of us.  And he doesnt make no jokes.  And he doesnt make no junk.  And even people who disagree with the things I hold most dear are capable of acting like that.  What I know or what I believe gives me no monopoly on what I can become.

The second thing is that all of us are sinners (and I know that is about as politically incorrect as I can be).  We are all fallible and have an amazing ability to make bad choices and then justify them in the highest sounding way possible.  We are all capable of using others for our pleasure and purpose and then dispensing with them as little more than trash when they no longer serve our purpose.  People that I agree with about major things have the ability to radically dissapoint.  As do I .  And often I do.

Life is about more than what point I make.  And most certainly I am not the point to be made.  It does not matter how many stars I accumulate, how much money I have,  how well I am known, or how much power I have.  Life is not about making myself the tallest building in the world.  For none of us are buildings no matter how frantically we try to lay the bricks.

We all live by faith I think.  All of us have beliefs about what life is about and how we should spend our time.  Even those who say all faith is illusion and convention live by the faith that what they say is true. 

Life is about caring for other people.  It is more about reaching out to others than pointing fingers at them.  It is less about knowing the right things than it is about being the right kind of person.

It that world it doesnt matter how you are labeled.  There is no need for a Robert Enke to step in front of a train, because he is afraid of what people will think of him.  In that world life is more that Boardwalk and Park Place and racing to get hotels and houses.  In that world we know that in the end it all goes back in the box.   In that world the question is not whether or not you have won or lost, but rather or not you are lost and need someone to lean on.

I have strong beliefs and ideas and I think they are important.  But none of this ideas place me under obligation to hold those who disagree with me in contempt.  Feel free to disagree with me at every turn and that is okay.  And when I forget, as I am sure I will, that life is more than a mirror for my glory please point that out too.  And that will be very much okay.

Take care and remember the words of the old song.  “There aint nobody right if everybody’s wrong….”

Have a great day.

 

 

Second look: On remembering your name

November 18, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

My wife and I do a bible study on Sundays for a group of Alzheimer’s patients at a local nursing home.  When we got ready to leave, Linda asked one older lady what her name was.  She wanted to pray for her.  The lady looked around the room tentatively as if searching for something.  Quietly, hesitantly she replied, “I don’t remember what my name is…”   For a minute time stopped for us.  We didn’t know what to say.  One of the other ladies finally turned to her and said, “Your name is …….” 

 

Hopefully I will always know my name.  Hopefully you will too.  In biblical times though names were descriptions of character.  They were not just what we were called.  They were who we were.

 

In that sense all of us sometimes forget our names.  We sometimes lose the ability to see clearly.  Sometimes life diminishes us so much that we lose contact with who we are.  If you have struggled with bipolar disorder or any other type of emotional illness you have had times when you thought you were nothing more than your disorder.  Overwhelming pain and stress leads us to identify with what seems the source of that pain.  We start to believe we are “nothing but…”

 

The greatest gift we can give each other is to help each other to remember our names.  To truly care for someone means to let them know that they are more than the limits of their experiences.  I know in the worst of my moments it is hard for me to see anything other than those moments.  It is those around me who help me to see what God has given me.  It is in their vision that I stay tied to my own and find gratitude in life.

 

Linda has had brain surgery and memory is a huge issue for her.  She told me when we walked out of the nursing home today that God had shown her how much she had to be thankful for.  It helped to coalesce in her mind how many times in how many ways, that even in the worst of times God had been there for her and stood with her.  She is a grateful person, but now even more than ever, she is grateful for the gift of her memory.

 

You have a name.  That name is a gift from God.  Treasure those around you who help you to remember that gift.

 

By the way, the lady’s name was Hope.

ON the habits of doctors

November 17, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

Doctors see what they are used to seeing.

There was a study several years ago in New Hampshire or Vermont. I have lost the specifics of it. The doctor wanted to see why there were more diseases of one kind in one part of the state and of another disease in another part of the state. He couldnt understand why people would be so different. For example, I think one part of the state had significantly more hysterectomies than another.

His conclusion after a lot of research was that the people werent different. The doctors were.

The most important part of treatment was not the application of medical science to people’s medical needs. Doctors diagnosed what they were used to diagnosing and treated the way they were trained to treat. The conclusion of this study was that what happened to you was more of a function of your doctor than of you.

If you have been in the mental health system you know this. Every person I know with bipolar disorder can tell stories of the diagnostic wars they have survived. Doctors who dont believe in bipolar simply dont see it. Some doctors see it everywhere. Different programs operate under different “fashions.” I have known psychiatrists who see the ugly hand of depression everywhere. I know of another who was especially adept in seeing borderline personality where other people saw none. I know a psychiatrist now who believes that bipolar diagnosis should be expanded to bipolar 7. He believes borderline personality it a variation of bipolar and give you chapter and verse of the “scientific” justification of this.

I have learned the hard way about doctors fashions. 8 years ago my wife had a brain operation. She had serious problems with seizures and was told that was her only hope. Seizure control has gotten better, although the “cure” we hoped for never came close to happening. What she did get though was a whole host of disabilities she never had before the surgery. They took out her amygdala and hippocampus. Her short term memory was destroyed. Her brain frequently “shuts down” and she cant process. At times she cant read with any comprehension. She could get lost walking across the street (literally). She gets overwhelmed by a lot of information. And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

I dont know if the surgery was her “last chance.” It might have been. I just dont know. I cant help but wonder though if we had lived somewhere else if it would have been. You see we lived in a university town with a very well known neurologist who was especially well known for the people he saved through brain surgery. They told us it was no big deal and after a few headaches she would be good as new and we believed them. In their eyes, it was no big deal.

The last few days have been especially hard for Linda. Most of the difficulty has been with the “gifts of the surgery.” For me the last few days have been a low bubbling rage. I will always wonder how those doctors could be so oblivious of their ability to do harm. My wife is the kindest and I think the best person I know. I see her struggle with many of the most ordinary events of life and I simply wonder at her courage. And I still wonder if the destruction of her memory which leaves her at times feeling so robbed, was the accident of a desperate attempt to fight her seizures or a result of a doctor who saw only what he was used to seeing.

I know some doctors I think that bless life. They give hope and relieve suffering. I know therapists and psychiatrists I feel that way about. But they have never forgotten that they are human beings. And because of that they never forget their potential to do harm and try hard to never simply be content with what they are used to seeing. Medicine you see, should be a function of the people treated, and not the habits of those who do the treating.

On jailing the mentally ill

November 17, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

One result of lack of mental health services invariably is that the jails will become for many the only mental health system they know. And it is a terrible system that doesnt work for anybody. The article below talks about one idea in Knoxville, Tennessee. What is your community doing with this issue? Please share, I would like to know. It is one of the major issues affecting many with mental health issues.

From the “Knoxville News Sentinel”
For far too many people their mental health system is the jail. And once they get in the system they find it hard to get out. Jails are going broke trying to deal with those with mental health issues. As mental health spending is cut down more and more the reality of jail for those with mental health issues will only go up. The article printed below is the response to the issue of Knoxville, Tennessee. I would be very interested in knowing how your community is dealing with this issue if at all.

Knox County’s Criminal Justice Committee is grappling with the best way to deal with the mentally ill who wind up in jail, and their solution so far would cost $1.7 million in yearly operating costs – a plan that committee members hope is addressed in next year’s budget.

Knox County District Attorney General Randy Nichols, who serves on the committee, says mentally ill inmates do not belong in jail, but because they don’t get the services or medicine they need, they often wind up in jail over and over.

“It’s a revolving door,” Nichols said. “The problem, of course, is money.”

Sheriff Jimmy “J.J.” Jones estimates 18 percent to 26 percent of those housed in jail suffer from persistent, serious mental illness.

“It is extremely costly and it’s wholly ineffective,” Nichols said. “We keep you there until you sober up, then let you go and you’re back in three to four weeks. It makes no difference in the lives of these people and we’re going broke at the same time.”

It costs $75-$80 a day to house an inmate, but the psychotropic medications double the cost for a mentally ill inmate, Jones said. The county spends $400,000 a year on the medications.

The concept being discussed has three parts:

n First is a proposed Safety Center, with 15-20 beds, where mental-health professionals would allow those arrested to voluntarily stay for up to three days and be assessed, get medicines and begin treatment.

The purpose of the center is to keep people out of the jail. The Safety Center is the facility that committee members hope may be addressed in next year’s budget and would cost $1.7 million a year to run. That does not include costs to build or lease space for the center.

n The second facility would be the currently operating Crisis Stabilization Unit, a place for a voluntary stay of up to three days for people who are diverted from the jail or come from emergency rooms or a mobile crisis team, or who come in on their own.

The unit would pair people in “psychiatric distress” with their current mental-health provider or find them a provider. Such a facility now is operating on Ball Camp Pike, along with a Medically Monitored Detox Unit for people who have substance-abuse issues.

n Finally, people who are chronically homeless would have the opportunity to be referred for permanent supportive housing where a case manager would oversee their treatment and services.

Nichols said the committee would like to see the Safety Center located in the downtown area to be close to law enforcement and staffed by Helen Ross McNabb Center mental-health professionals.

“The police are not trained to deal with mentally-ill people,” Nichols said.

While the committee’s main task is to reduce jail overcrowding, dealing with mentally-ill inmates is a large part of that.

“That’s a segment of the population we need to work with,” said Commissioner Brad Anders, a committee member and Knoxville Police Department sergeant. “They’re mentally ill instead of criminals. The mentally ill are going through a revolving door, and they’re going in and out of jail without treatment. If we can do this facility (Safety Center), we can see them less in jail and more as productive members of society.”

Commissioner and committee member Richard Briggs said, “The jailers at the detention facility are not trained to take care of those kind of people and we’re responsible for their medication. That’s expensive. And once they’re arrested they lose TennCare and the county is responsible for their medical care.”

In the long run, committee members believe facilities like the Safety Center would save the county money.

“That’s an economic decision and there’s a humanitarian decision,” Briggs said. “Why put people who are mentally sick in jail when there’s not a threat to public safety? These people need help. They don’t need to be detained and arrested.”

Briggs said the committee is looking for a site – either as a purchase or a lease. He said the committee is discussing requesting the issuance of bonds.

Jones noted that once someone is charged and convicted, he or she loses TennCare coverage, the state’s insurance program for the poor.

“If they don’t have insurance, nobody wants to treat them,” Jones said. “Those 18 to 26 percent, we’re not talking about the criminally insane. We’re talking about shoplifting, indecent exposure, public drunkenness.”

Currently, Jones said mentally-ill inmates are released with a month’s worth of medicine.

“They take the medicine three to four days or they lose it or someone steals it,” Jones said. “When they’re not on their medicine, they do the same thing again and they’re right back in jail.”

Andy Black, CEO of Helen Ross McNabb Center, agreed that diversion from jail – or a mental-health hospital – is the aim behind the planning.

“The goal of the Safety Center is to divert people from high levels of care, whether it be the criminal justice system or mental health hospitals,” Black said. “When law enforcement picks up someone who is having a psychiatric issue, they would be brought to the Safety Center rather than to jail.”

Rebecca Ferrar may be reached at 865-342-6357.

© 2009, Knoxville News Sentinel Co.
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More on Robert Enke

November 16, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

I came across this tribute to Robert Enke. It seemed worth sharing.

He died because he was afraid of people finding out he was dealing with mental health issues. He doesnt have to be afraid any more. Such a rotten, rotten shame.

Second look: On something really, really sad

November 15, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

This post is a followup to the previous post about the death of Robert Enke.  It was originally posted a couple of months ago, but perhaps gives a wider context to his tragic story.

 

Yesterday I put a post on my other blog (“16 Minutes” – http://everysixteenminutessomeonedies.blogspot.com) about some statistics about suicide from the World Health Organization.  Suprisingly it got a lot of comments- many of which I did not expect.  But what really stuck with me was one person who described it as “very sad statistics.”  She got it right.

In this country 1 person dies every 16 minutes from their own hand.  Their is an attempt every minute.  And that is just what we know.  How about the untold times that a family tries to handle it on their own, because they dont trust the system or are afraid of getting someone in trouble.  Where I live more people die from suicide than car wrecks, homicide, and AIDS combined. 

If you have a mental illness the statistics go through the roof.  The first support group we had there were about 27 people there.  When we started to talk there were probably 65-70 suicide attempts in the room.  I think I know about 25-30 people who are basically one bad thing away from attempting.  I  know many people for whom suicide is a daily thought.  A daily thought. 

The statistics I saw say that if you have bipolar that 1 in 5 will die from suicide.  It is why many people call it a terminal disease.  If you have bipolar and schizophrenia the figures go even higher.  1 in 3 die.

If you are a teenager it is the third leading cause of death.  The statistics are overwhelming in virtually every way you look at them.  It touches virtually every area of life from the young to the old to the militiary to men to women.   Everywhere.  It is a public health emergency of major proportions.  And it is the greatest indictment of the mental health system I know.

For whatever reason many, many people simply do not get anything close to effective help.  The reasons are many and everyone can argue for what they think are the most important: overreliance on medication for people who need people more than anything, not enough services, too many roadblocks to getting the services needed, stigma of mental illness, lack of public awareness, lack of funding…. the list is endless.  But there is a bottom line.  People are dying that dont have to.

September is Suicide Awareness Month.  Make it a month that counts.  Do what you can do to contribute to public awareness.  Take part in activities in your neighborhood.  Start activities in your neighborhood.  Do what you can do to effect the bottom line.  People will still die.  But if we can do something that helps to reach one person, to save one life we will have done a good of infinite value.

ON the reality of stigma. The death of Robert Enke

November 15, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

Robert Enke died this past Tuesday. He was a soccer player in Germany.   He stepped out in front of a train and committed suicide.  45,000 people came to his funeral.  His story is reprinted below.

He brings a face to the idea of stigma.  Reportedly he suffered from depression for at least 6 years.  He did not want anyone to know.  He was afraid of his child being taken from him for one thing if anyone found out.  None of his teammates said they even knew.

I have known others who put tremendous energy into hiding their issues from people in their life.  I have known many who were convinced that being found out would be the end of a job…. a relationship….or of something else important in their life.  Stigma is not just what happens when people find out.  It is the fear that drives you to make the most important thing in your life that no one finds out.

It sounds like Enke just ran out of steam.  Untreated the depression was getting worse.  Getting treatment meant exposing himself in a public manner.  He couldnt live with either option.  He chose to die.

Stigma is deadly.  I wonder how many people refuse to get help because of what they think others will say about them.  I wonder how many people put themselves in a pressure cooker of a situation trying to make others think everything is ok when it is not.  I wonder why Robert Enke found himself in a situation where the best solution to him seemed death…. I really wonder.

Next time you hear the word stigma think of Robert Enke.  And think about how many other Robert Enke’s  there are.  And wonder why it is that so many people should be so scared or so ashamed of who they are and the issues they must deal with in their life.

Read the story below please.  And say a prayer for the wife and child of a man who saw no way he could continue to live.

Tens of thousands gather for Enke’s memorial

AP      

Robert Enke' s wife Teresa, left, is comforted by an unidentified woman in front AP – Robert Enke’ s wife Teresa, left, is comforted by an unidentified woman in front of the coffin prior …

By ZACHARIAS ZACHARAKIS, Associated Press Writer Zacharias Zacharakis, Associated Press Writer Sun Nov 15, 10:17 am ET

HANNOVER, Germany – More than 45,000 fans gathered Sunday at the Hannover stadium for a memorial service for Germany goalkeeper Robert Enke, whose suicide has shaken the country.

“Robert Enke will never come back to this stadium, the place where he conquered our hearts,” Hannover club president Martin Kind said at the beginning of the ceremony. “But it wasn’t only his success that made Robert Enke so popular, it was the man, his personality.”

The 32-year-old player, who played for Hannover 96 and had a good chance of being Germany’s starting goalkeeper at next year’s World Cup in South Africa, stepped in front of a train near his Hannover home on Tuesday evening. His widow, Teresa, appeared on national television a day later to say her husband had been suffering from depression for six years but did not want it known.

Enke’s coffin was covered with white roses and was placed in the center of the field. German politicians and sports stars were also at the memorial, where many of the fans wore black and the club’s green, white and black scarf.

Before the start of the ceremony, the fans stood and applauded when Teresa Enke walked to the coffin together with a friend. Several members of the German national team also approached the coffin to say goodbye to their teammate.

In a country riveted by soccer, Enke’s death has prompted a debate about whether players receive sufficient psychological support.

Teresa Enke said her husband had kept his depression secret from the public because he had been afraid the couple’s adopted 8-month-old daughter would be taken away from them if his illness was known. The couple’s biological daughter, Lara, died of a heart ailment in 2006 when she was 2.

Enke’s father told weekly magazine Spiegel on Sunday that his son had suffered for a long time.

“I think that his disease did not arise from something inside of him, but was triggered by his life’s circumstances,” said Dirk Enke, a psychotherapist, who said he tried to talk to his son several times but could not get him to talk about his depression.

In a farewell note, Enke apologized to his family and the staff treating him for deliberately misleading them into believing he was better, which was “necessary in order to carry out the suicide plans,” said Valentin Markser, his doctor.

Enke’s struggle with depression was not known to his teammates or coaches.

At the end of the ceremony, as Enke’s coffin was carried out by his Hannover 96 teammates, many crying fans raised their club scarves.

“During the last days, there was only emptiness and sadness,” said Thomas Brauns, 42. “It happened so suddenly. Last Sunday we still saw the game, applauded him … and two days later he throws himself in front of the train.”

Enke was buried later in the day next to his daughter Lara in a private ceremony near Neustadt, outside Hannover.

On what she learned

November 13, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

She has not tried to hurt herself in over 4 years.  Before that she tried 11 times in two years.  She tells me that she never went through a day without at least thinking about it.  Now she says, “I never think about it other than to wonder how I ever lived in that space…”

I asked her what changed.  She says she learned a “a lot of stuff that made a difference….”  This, she says, is what she learned:

  • I am more than the way I feel. 
  • Bad things are never as certain as they feel like they are.
  • Suicide is the ultimate seduction.  It promises everything but delivers nothing.
  • Its okay to be afraid of yourself.  It may help keep you alive.
  • Other people keep you from drowning in yourself.
  • Dont try to do life alone.  Ask for help.
  • Each step towards better things makes the next step easier.
  • Find professional help.  And take it.
  • Build good spaces in your life.
  • Find something to look forward to each day.
  • Dont convince yourself to do crazy things.  Decide to do healthy things.
  • Know you matter.  God doesnt create jokes.  Nor does he torture for his pleasure.
  • Know that battles lost are not wars lost.  Be okay with messing up.
  • Dont blame yourself for being yourself. 
  • Know that depression is something that happens to you, not something you are.
  • When you wake up in the morning be glad.

People do survive being suicidal.  People do change.  There is hope.  No one has to die.

If you know someone in trouble share that with them. 

Seems like something worth sharing.

Second look: On Greg (the death of a young man)

November 13, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

There have been 19 people who have killed themselves in Blount County this year.  Blount County has a little over 100,000 people and the national rate for suicide is about 13 per 100,000.  We are winning a race we don’t even want to run.

 

I don’t know any of the people who have killed themselves in Blount County this year, but I did know Greg.

 

Greg was 17 when I first knew him.  He was dead before he was 18.

 

I was working as a family therapist in a psychiatric hospital when I first knew him.  I was the therapist for him and his family.  He was  a “cutter.”  His arms were a mass of scars from self-mutiliation.  He was seriously depressed.  I now am sure that he would have been diagnosed as bipolar, but back then we hadn’t really discovered bipolar and all I knew for sure was that he was messed up.

 

He was in our program for 9 months.  His family was a mess.  The mom and dad were getting a divorce and Greg was the ammunition they shot at each other.  We did all we could and really thought that he was stable and began to see some signs of hope.  We decided to discharge him home.  I made all the arrangements and we sent him home.

 

About 4 days after his discharge I got a call from my supervisor about 5:30 in the morning.  The night before Greg had cut both of his wrists, took a bottle of pills and hung himself.  He was dead.  My first reaction was that I had killed him and for a while I think part of me really did die.

 

About 3 weeks after his death I got a call from his mother.  She called to thank me.  I couldn’t believe it.  Greg had been a professional quality artist.  When they went through his stuff they had found a picture that was an exact depiction of the way he died dated about 3 months before he came into our program.  She told me, “He had made his decision, but at least you got him to stop and think.  Because of that we had a year longer with him than we would have otherwise had.”

 

Her phone call still hangs with me today.  Since then I have met a lot of other people who had made similar decisions.  Many of them have also stopped to think.  But most of them have also changed their minds.

 

I learned a lot from Greg.  I never really talked with him about suicide.  I didn’t really know I was supposed to.  I think maybe I was afraid to find out.  I would give anything if I had the chance to talk with him now.  People who are thinking about killing themselves are terrified that they are right.  Suicide is the only answer to their problems.  Just by asking you can start them towards the path of realizing that it is not.  People who think of suicide often don’t attempt.  People who think of suicide and who believe they are alone and can’t talk about it with others frequently do attempt.  If you are afraid for someone that you know open the subject up.  Maybe they don’t think they can.  Don’t find yourself wishing you had asked, but knowing it is too late.

 

Keep the door open.  The ultimate lie is that suicide solves anything and the ultimate myth is that when someone decides they can’t change their mind.  Suicide is the act of a person ultimately alone regardless of the crowds that surround him and share his life.  Reach out and hold someone close. 

 

I know many things now that I wish I had known then.  As strange as it sounds I think people only kill themselves when it is the easiest option they have left.  I know now about the importance of means.  I would not give the keys to a drunk person.  I do not understand why we do not see the importance of keeping guns and other implements of death away from suicidal people.  In the end people do decide for themselves.  Greg’s mother was right.  People can and do choose death.  But we can choose to make it a hard choice.  In the end we will be glad we did.

What if it is more than one thing?

November 12, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

I am confused.  I believe two things that contradict each other.  I think each one is true, but at least at first glance, if one is true the other one isnt.

I have read the testimony of many people who think the use of psychotropic medication for those with mental health issues is an abomination.  They talk about all the negative side effects that meds have and point to the fact that no one seems to really understand how they work.  They point to the lies of pharmaceutical companies who seem intent on defining life as a condition needing medication.  They point to the promises made and the reality for many people which is abominable.  And finally they point to the studies that seem to show that many people make it just fine without medication.

People like Robert Whitaker in, “Mad in America” give riveting and very convincing accounts of why the emphasis on medication as the know all and save all to psychiatric issues is both bad medicine and bad science. 

But you see there is a problem.  I think I run with the “wrong people.”  The large bulk of people I know with bipolar disorder see medication as an indispensable part of their recovery.  I know some people who have had tortous experiences with medications.  But many, according to their report, have found the “right medication.”  They do not see meds as blunting their feelings.  Many of them say meds have helped them to fully experience all their emotions.  One lady I know who is a “rapid cycler” talks about mania as her “insides screaming….”  In her words, “Without my meds I am abandoned to the mercies of insanity…. It took many trials to find what works.  A lot of the early ones made things worse… but I would rather die than give them up now.”

What are you to make of it when sincere honest people describe the same thing in highly emotional opposite terms? If you listen it sounds like two different realities.

And then it hit me.  What if it is?  What if it is a lot more than two realities?  Why does it have to be the same just because it has the same name?  Isnt it a little like saying everyone named Jack looks alike?

I joke with people in this town and tell them if they want to be cured of bipolar disorder go to DR……  He will tell you that you dont have it, because by and large, he simply doesnt believe in it.  Another doctor in this town will discover bipolar where no one else can see it.  He believes in bipolar spectrum disorder and believes that diagnosis should go to bipolar 7.  Same name, different people  and different things…

I really dont know why meds seem to work so well for some people and so poorly for others.  I could probably come up with a lot of theories,  but I have no clue what one is right or wrong.  Maybe if we all just realized how ignorant we are we wouldnt fight so hard to defend our explanations.  Sometimes I think we are like prehistoric man arguing about what spirit makes it rain.    What if the answer is we dont know? 

Obviously the simple minded explanations about us being a receptacle for neurotransmitters are inadequate.  As a friend said to me, “Anyone who thinks we are nothing more than our brains obviously doesnt have one.”  Everything affects everything but who really understands what that means?

Concepts are really maps to the territory and not the territory.  If you try to sit in the concept of a chair you will bruise your bottom.  As maps they are either useful or not.  The operative question for any model is how useful is it– not how truthful is it.  Does it help us to find what we are looking for— not is it what we are looking for…  Sounds like a trivial distinction maybe, but really not.

We models become true or false they soon acquire religious significance and we soon divide up into camps to debate their sacred truths.  We call names and find labels to convict those who disagree with us of stupidity if not dishonesty. 

And in the case of the mental health consumer/survivor/ service user/ patient/ whatever term you like community you find too much people doing serious battle simply because they see one thing differently.  But what if it is more than one thing?

What do you think? Where is it all going?

November 10, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

Mental health budgets are being cut seriously.  The resources that people need to have a real chance are shaky in many areas of the country.  In North Carolina for example (see previous article: “a wake-up call- when people get tasered”) those with mental health issues are fairly rountinely held in ER’s awaiting help.  In Tennessee peer support based programs are in danger.  Everywhere the jails are becoming more and more where people “get treatment”…  More and more people are institutionalized to the streets.

On the national level the whole debate on health care reform (and mental health care reform) has come to simply calling names.  Our political process has become the ultimate Jerry Springer show.  Our debate has become placard to placard. 

We are caught between the ultimate rock and hard place.  We have a system that is choking us.  We are close as a society to saying “mental illness costs too much…”  On the state level, where the actual budget decisions are made and programs get their life, you are talking about 20-30% budget cuts in something that wasnt adequate to begin with.  To continue going as we are is catastrophic for huge numbers of people.

Yet to change also costs money.  And many people are worried about that with good reason.  It almost seems like a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea.

I found a website called “Names of the Dead” (http://namesofthedead.com ) that has really affected me.  It is the stories of people who died from lack of insurance told by their family members.  It is tragedy after tragedy after tragedy.  One was a person with bipolar who lost his insurance and thought he had lost access to meds.  He panicked and committed suicide.  So very sad and so very unnecessary.

I had a friend who I think is really smart tell me his view.  “It is not really about who wins and loses…. Its more a battle for our soul as a country…The real question is not what we get, but what we are left with….”

I dont know.  Most of the people I know have mental health issues of one sort or another or love someone who does.  Many of them are scared.  Most of them are confused.  What do you think?  Where is all this going?

Second look: on a good place to be

November 10, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

I saw a friend last night I hadn’t seen for quite a while.  She had been a fairly regular attender at our support group meeting, but with gas prices and work interfering she had probably missed 2 or 3 months of meetings.  I was excited to see her and let her know it.  Her first words to me were, “This seems like a good place to be.”

 

Catching up with her there had been some really bad times.  There had been a suicide attempt, a hospitalization, and probably as fundamentally as anything else just an overwhelming crisis in confidence.  Her professional career she felt might be dead.  It had become a lot more technological and the bipolar had just kept her from keeping up.  She had tried to take a class and thought that was too hard for her.  A long career that defined who she was seemed dead in the waters to the ravages of bipolar.

 

The job she was in was ending and she was dreading the battle to get another job.  Her confidence seemed so battered.  We just hugged on her as hard as we could.

 

Everybody needs to know “good places to be.”  Too often when stressed and overwhelmed we are like lone hikers caught and exhausted in a blizzard.  We just lay down to die.  We need to know when we lose track of “good places to be” we are in real trouble.

 

What are the “good places to be” in your life?  Do you know?  Do other people in your life know the good places?  It is such an important concept and so essential to trying to cope with mental illness. 

 

Last night was a good place for her to be.  Being with her was a good place for all of us to be.

 

Take care.  Tonight when you rest I hope God reaches out and helps you to find a “good place for you to be.”

On a wake up call: when mental patients are tasered.

November 9, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

In North Carolina mental patients are tasered in emergency rooms to keep them quiet.

This and a series of amazing things are found in the article from the Charlotte News Observer reprinted below.  As mental health funding gets cut more and more in many states it is worthwhile to take a look at the future.  9 years ago North Carolina starting cutting hospital beds.  The money was sent to community programs that turned out be “wasteful” and ineffective.  Now they are being cut.  And nothing is being put in their place.  North Carolina has placed 3700 people on the waiting list for hospital beds.  Can you even imagine the chaos, the broken lives, the families, the communities.  I wonder how many ended up “getting treatment” in the jails or “being hospitalized” in the alleys and on the streets.  People talk about the cost of mental health, but they miss the point.  There is a difference between price and cost.  This is the cost of mental health— the real cost!!!

Every state has pressures of its own.  Maybe some maybe worse than North Carolina.  I dont know.  But I know that for every system I am aware of the prospects are scary.  Please read the article below.  You know if they tasered an animal to keep it quiet we would all be up in arms… They are tasering people now.

BY MICHAEL BIESECKER – Staff Writer
RALEIGH — Across North Carolina, mental patients are routinely languishing for days in emergency rooms ill-equipped to care for them, waiting for a bed to open at one of four state-run psychiatric hospitals.

Often, they pass the time handcuffed or sedated. Law-enforcement officers assigned to guard patients whose illness makes them prone to violent outbursts have occasionally resorted to using Tasers to shock them into submission.

Lanier Cansler, the state’s secretary of health and human services, plans to ease the strain by paying private hospitals with taxpayer money to admit and treat more mental patients, especially those who don’t qualify for Medicaid.

But a survey the department conducted of nine community hospitals raises questions about whether many medical facilities, especially those in rural areas, are capable of taking on that responsibility.

North Carolina tried to reform its mental health system in 2001 by downsizing state hospitals and paying private, for-profit companies to care for people in outpatient clinics.

Nine years later, the reform has had the opposite of its intended effect. Programs that were supposed to save taxpayers money wasted more than $635million, according to a recent legislative audit. Meanwhile, demand for state hospital beds has soared.

In the first eight months of this year, the state hospitals placed more than 3,700 patients seeking help on waiting lists because of the lack of available beds, according to the Department of Health and Human Services.

Despite the crisis, the state budget Gov. Bev Perdue signed in August cut $155million from the state’s mental health system, resulting in the loss of 354 jobs at state hospitals.

At Cansler’s urging, $12million was allocated to pay for adding about 100 psychiatric beds at community hospitals – an average of one bed per county.

The money will go to pay for small units of eight to 10 beds each in a handful of medical hospitals across the state. The secretary hopes more money for the initiative will be available in the future, as the economy improves.

“We’re returning to really what was the original intent of reform,” said Cansler, a former Republican legislator who was a deputy secretary of health and human services when the flawed initiative was implemented. “It’s all built around doing as much as we can in our local communities, instead of depending upon our state facilities.”

About half of all people admitted to such state-run facilities as Dorothea Dix Hospital in Raleigh stay seven days or less. If they can be treated close to home in local hospitals, Cansler said, the state hospitals would be left to focus on patients who need long-term, more intensive care.

The secretary said he recognizes, however, that it will take far more than the 100 beds funded to ease the crush of patients seeking admission to state hospitals. And there are questions about whether hospitals in parts of the state where the need is greatest will participate.

Many of North Carolina’s small community hospitals far from urban centers don’t have access to psychiatrists or other professionals trained to help people with mental illness, especially those who might become violent, according to the health and human services survey.

Emergency room staffs at two of the nine hospitals reported multiple incidents of law officers Tasering disruptive patients in the last year.

All the hospitals surveyed, including Raleigh’s Wake Med, reported an increase in the number of psychiatric patients over the past six months, a trend attributed to the weakened economy and shrinking options among the very outpatient treatment programs that were supposed to ease the demand on hospitals under the reform plan.

And when those at the community hospitals contact the government-run facilities for assistance, they said, they are too often faced with rude state workers who use bureaucratic procedures purposely to delay admissions, according to the survey report

Urgent phone messages are sometimes not returned for as long as 12 hours, and it is impossible to get someone admitted to a state facility during nights or weekends, when the need is often most acute.

“Without exception, they report that the single biggest problem they face in the emergency departments is procuring appropriate psychiatric care promptly,” the report says. “They expressed confusion and dismay that it would be totally unacceptable for individuals with acute medical problems to languish in the [emergency department] for days, but that is a common practice for psychiatric patients awaiting care.”

The hospitals reported good experiences transferring patients to the few government-funded beds in private facilities that are now available, mostly in the western part of the state.

‘Crazy’ cuts

The report, obtained by The News & Observer and The Charlotte Observer through a public records request, is far more frank and unvarnished than is typical for a government-produced document. Michael Lancaster, the chief of clinical policy for the state mental health system, described it as raw data intended for use by an internal workgroup. “It wasn’t supposed to go anywhere,” Lancaster said Friday

The report also provides recommendations for what the state can do to help, such as assigning a single staff member to work on admitting patients who have been waiting in an emergency room for more than three days. Those recommendations, as well as a one-page summary of the problems found by the survey, will eventually be presented to senior DHHS administrators, Lancaster said.

Rep. Verla Insko, a Chapel Hill Democrat and co-chairwoman of the legislative oversight committee for mental health, said the survey identified problems that must be addressed if the system is to work. She said that she has heard of patients waiting in emergency rooms as long as 10 days and that the deep cuts to community services in this year’s state budget are “crazy.”

“We should act quickly to ensure prompt and courteous communications between agencies and give priority at our state institutions to the most severely ill or violent patients,” she said. “The overuse of emergency departments will go on as long as we fail to provide adequate services.”

Ann Akland, president of the Wake County chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, said she was horrified to hear that patients suffering psychotic episodes are being Tasered in emergency rooms.

“If this were happening to animals, people would be outraged,” she said. “The state hospitals are understaffed, underfunded and demoralized. Now the state is trying to pass the ball to communities even more ill-prepared.”
Treating patients who suffer from severe and persistent mental illness is not profitable. They often don’t have private insurance. Though some qualify for Medicaid, many are indigent. As a result, most community hospitals stopped providing psychiatric services in the past 20 years.

“We’re working with the state to address the bed shortage issue,” said Stephanie Strickland, spokeswoman for the N.C. Hospital Association. “But a lot of our smaller hospitals just don’t have psychiatric caregivers at their facilities. Maybe they used to years ago, but they don’t have the resources now. The infrastructure is not there.”

Cansler said he wants to rebuild enough local capacity to implement a policy of patients being admitted to a state facility only if they first spent a week in a community hospital.

“Some hospitals, once they see we’ll pay for it, are willing,” Cansler said. “Some hospitals are resistant. They know they had the beds before and they lost money. I think given a little help, most of them are going to step up to the plate.”
Empty beds

Bill Atkinson, president and CEO of WakeMed, was noncommittal when asked whether his hospital would start admitting mental patients.

Atkinson pointed out that Holly Hill Hospital, a psychiatric hospital in Raleigh adjacent to WakeMed, just built an expansion with the help of Wake County. Many of those beds have been empty, he said, because of “arcane” state rules limiting what types of patients the private hospital can admit.

Cansler said working with such private facilities to clear bureaucratic roadblocks will be essential to easing the capacity crunch.

michael.biesecker@newsobserver.com or 919-829-4698

On being lonely

November 9, 2009 by hopeworkscommunity

He told me his biggest problem was not how bad he felt.  He just didnt feel.  And he was afraid he never would.

He was lonely…. “past lonely”… he said.  He was diagnosed with depression many years ago.  He couldnt remember his last friend.  He saw himself as a friendly person and thought others saw him the same way— but friends- no.  Their had been some serious sexual abuse as a child.  He knew that he was “walled off” from other people, but had no idea how to break down the walls.

He said he was even a “failure as a patient.”  He wanted to talk about his feelings— he just didnt know where they were.  He thought he could at least “be sad….”

He wants to come to a support group, but is unsure about that.  We talked about numbness and depression being the same thing for many people.  And we talked about that it didnt always have to be that way.  And we talked about being lonely and about how maybe a beginning would be to not be alone so much. 

I think he will try.  I hope so.  For many of the people I have met with mental health issues loneliness is one of the hardest things.  One lady told me, “I so envy them there friends.” 

Maybe you know someone who is lonely you can reach out to.  Maybe you need someone to reach out to you.  It is bad enough to be Robinson Crusoe and be marooned from other people.  It is doubly hard to be Robinson Crusoe in a crowd.

Take care.  Give care.