How do you change? Especially when you feel so very stuck and change seems so very large and impossible. What can you do when change requires more of you than you have. All of us only have so much try hard. What about when your try hard is gone and all that is left is the “cant do thats”.
Make change more likely. It sounds stupid to say but more likely things happen more often.
- Make it clearer. Plan the first few moves. If the change you were attempting was a video tape what would happen first, second, third…. What would you see?
- Do something that works. Build on the success and experience of other people. Building the solution and solving the problem are not necessarily the same thing. You can deal better with the issue of depression without solving the problem of depression. With any issue some people do better and some do worse. Do what the people who do better do
- Make it meaningful. It is not enough to know what to do. You have to find a want to do. Find the felt meaning of what you want to do and go with it.
- Dont make the change so scary. Dont make it big and imposing. Change is like a landslide. A series of small rocks building a momentum that is self-sustaining and moving everything in its path. Build momentum by doing something that leads to something else. Step at a time. Even a small step at a time. We dont do things we feel like we cant do even if we want to.
- Make the change the confirmation of the kind of person you are or the kind of person you are trying to become.
- Practice. First you must think to do it and decide to do it but with enough practice you simply do it. Practice doesnt make perfect. It makes different.
- Dont forget why it is worth it to change. What is the goal? Where are you going? People can sacrifice a lot for meaningful quests. What is your quest?
- Do go alone. We do much better with support and particularly when doing better is the way we connect with others. Much of the time change is a team sport.
- Know what gets in the way. What are the roadblocks? What are the hindrances? What can you move? Everytime you move a rock out of the road it makes the road easier to travel. And if all else fails get on a different road. What people, circumstances, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, values etc. make it harder? Do something about them.
- Everything is opportunity. You can learn as much from failure as success. Sometimes you must get what not to do out of the way before you can do what you want. Anything can make next time better if we look at it as a chance to learn.
It is still hard. Perhaps it will always be hard. But tilt the odds in your favor and maybe, just maybe you will find the change you are looking for is really within your reach.