On the definition of insanity

Medical issues with Linda are getting worse….. Quickly and I  don’t know… Neither of us..
really know what to do. Seizures are getting more frequent and longer.   Recovery is taking longer and longer.   Her balance has gotten worse and worse.   She is  very much a fall risk.   The level of chronic pain she lives with is rising.   She needs spinal surgery really bad but is terrified of that.   The doctor tells her risks are very real and to go as long as she can stand it without surgery.   The recovery from it will be very difficult probably entailing a feeding tube for months while her neck heals.   She is not going to be able to make it much longer without the surgery I  am afraid.   The financial hole is getting huge.   Much of what she needs I simply can’t do.   Today I am job hunting and will continue until I hit pay dirt.   I spend most of my time with her but there are legal limits to what we can do.   It is not safe to be apart.   It is not safe to be together.   A doctor told her that the seizures and neurology are not medical issues but life issues really.   We just live with too much stress. The parameters of possible change are very small.   The risks are high and rising.   All this is my definition of insanity.

I have not written much lately about health care reform in Tennessee.   I am so angry I  no longer am sure my voice is really helpful.   We have a governor who thinks he can educate and persuade his legislators to support Insure Tennessee.   No one has ever got rich betting on the educability of Republicans in a tea party state.   There are some decent people who are just afraid to speak out.   I  am not sure how to tell people to have courage.   There may be reason for their fears.   And there is a large group of people who don’t care.   They are angry and upset and willing to teach the federal government a lesson even if it costs their neighbors. It  is all bad reality TV but it is real.

I am really  not OK.   I fear tragedy is real and approaching.   I have worked for change as long as I can remember.   It has been well over 10 years in Tennessee about health care and I really no longer sure that change, if it occurs, will be fast enough.   We have been looking to change for so long and are beginning to fear it just isn’t going to happen in a  way we can wait for.

Their is nothing really to do.   I don’t write this because we want anything from anybody.   I think I just wanted someone to know and for it to be okay not to be okay.   Hopefully I will find a job today or at least a hope of some financial answers.   I will not be with Linda today and pray this will be a safe day for her.   I hope to see her tomorrow.   Your prayers would be appreciated.   If you have contact with Linda on Facebook or social media and you have a chance drop her a line and say hi.   That would be a kindness.

Thank you and God bless.

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