It is so easy to forget that what becomes normal for us so often isn’t. It got to the point for me that sometimes I wondered if anything could happen good enough to make a difference. Nothing held water. Life was floods and dry land more like something in a long ago dream rather than something that was real and possible.
Loneliness seemed normal and unhappiness part of being realistic. I was never far enough past trauma to have post anything. Tragedy was not something that happened. It was just the way it was.
The moving has mattered. Some prisons can only be seen best in the rear view mirror. You lose the bars after a while. You don’t see them anymore. They become part of you….. and only later you wonder if you have been lost too.
We do what we are used to doing. We live the way we are used to living. We forget normal and usual are not the same thing. We try to accept what we can’t change instead of as one writer wrote “try to change the things we can’t stand.”
Much is still hard, very hard… and maybe always will be. But I have moved and 3 miles away is a million miles closer than 25.
Hurt and loss are very real and cannot be willed or wished away. But perhaps life can be more than usual. I think so… I hope so…. I pray so.
For the first time in a long time perhaps tomorrow may really be a new day.