Today was a really good day. I have joined the choir at my church and today was my first time to take part in an actual service and I had a blast. Thank God there are many, many people in the choir who can actually sing. But easy more importantly, about a month before our 35th wedding anniversary, Linda and I rededicated our marriage vows during the service.
It was a concrete and public doing of what at times has seemed an everyday event. In desperate times and what at times has seemed constant loss and hurt, at a time when life was about floods and being overwhelmed, it has seemed like all that floated, the only thing that kept me above water.
It was a day to think about things learned……
Worry less about finding the right person to finding the right person to marry and more about being the right person to marry.
Too many marriages, too many relationships are consumed with “but.” “But she said this…… But he did that….. But I told her this…. But she didn’t listen….” People who are consumed with the injustice of people they care about end up either not caring very much or really resenting the people they care about.
Marriage is a commitment to process more than product. It is about your partner but it is more than the what you care about. It is an investment in a way of caring. It is about faith and hope. It is also about disappointment and anger. It is about feeling the best you can feel. It is also about feeling the worst you can feel. It is about persistence and knowing it is worth it. It is about forgiving and being forgiven. It is about not taking things personal and knowing your love is only personal. It is about what you get from caring but also knowing caring is your biggest reward. It is about completion but also about never being done.
Relationships can cause problems, but I confess sometimes I wonder if more than anything else they just expose them. I am way too often not a very good person and more than anyone Linda knows that. At least for me much of the opportunity I have found, much of the growth I have made is at least in part in the mirror she had provided.
I think sometimes we connect with people seeking accomplices and we have to learn to tolerate partners.
Today was way past a good day.
A really good day.