On marriage… A thousand and one things make a difference

A thousand and one things make a difference in marriage….

(A very partial list)

Notice good things about each other.  A lot.

  Dont keep it a secret.  The more you tell people thank you the easier it is to be thankful.

Never let a disagreement be the measure of the character of the person you love.

Never let the refusal to disagree be the measure of your character.

Be honest, but be kind.  We can tolerate many things in life.  Most of us though have a real problem with someone being hateful particularly when they tell you that they are only hateful because they really love you.

Be generous with attention.  Lovers shouldnt have to work for it.

Have a short memory for hurt feelings. 

Treasure appreciation.

Know that loving someone doesnt mean they will never mess up.  Give them the same grace you hope they will give you.

Know that all they love in the world doesnt prevent people from struggling in life, with themselves and with each other.

Know that it is easier to love someone if you think your life has purpose.

Know that without your time something will always be wrong with our time.

Do things that are good for each other.  On purpose.  Dont look for the chance.  It will never come.  Plan for it.

Have some things that are you and your partners that you share with no one.  Have some things you share with everyone.

Celebrate the success of the people you love.

Look and see how many times a day life invites you to treat the person you love as important.  Look and see how often you accept the invitation.

Know that being loved enables you to love others more often and more easily.

Try to remember as much as you can (often you wont) that fights are about finding out how the two of you can win rather than about which one will lose.

Talk a lot about good times.  The bad times tend to talk for themselves.

Listen.  It is the first step to others taking what you say serious.

Laugh with each other.  You forget how if you dont practice.

Try your best to not spend much time thinking about what you have to put up with.  You tend to find more things to put up with the more you think about them.

Dont take bad times personal.  Take good times very personal.

Know that no matter how much you know or how much you care sometimes it just doesnt go well.  You are both stuck being human beings.

Know that people will always tend to carry their baggage unless you allow them to put it down.

Well maybe not a thousand and one things but you get the point….

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