A friend asked the simplest question.. Why try?
Life was not okay for him and hadn’t been for a long time. When I listened to him I agreed with a lot of what he said. He was probably not going to get any less poor. The health problems probably weren’t going to get much better. A thousand problems of daily living were going to stay a thousand problems of daily living. He had been victimized and hurt more than once. He said people found him too hard to be around and there was really no one he could count on to be there for him. Believing in something seemed wishful thinking to him. He wanted to hang on… He just wanted to know…. Why try?????
He said he knew things had been hard for me for a long time. He thought at times I struggled too. He thought at times I didn’t know either.
And the honest truth was he was right.
I don’t know if I had any great or wise answer. Probably not. But I don’t know that was what he was looking for and don’t even know there is a great or wise answer.
Here is what I said :
I would be lying to you if I told you I had the one true answer about why you should try. I don’t. I have asked myself the same question many many times. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it seems like it is always hard. And sometimes it doesn’t seem like much I do matters.
I try not because I should although I believe I should. I try not because it always makes a difference although sometimes it does. I try not because I learn and my efforts get smarter and better although I hope they do. I try not because I am stronger or better than you. I am not and with all I know I know that tomorrow or the next day or the next hour I will not feel like trying and I will wonder too.
I try because I can…. Sometimes not as well as I would like… Sometimes not as hard as I would like… But I try because I can.
Sometimes it is the only victory available. I often can’t make things different. But I don’t want them to make me different. Sometimes the only thing I can control or effect is who I am. I don’t always want that freedom. Sometimes it screams back at me and says it is a lie. “It doesn’t matter if you try or not.”
It does because I matter. It does because you matter. It does because we all matter.
I hope this makes a little sense. I hope tomorrow will be better for both of us. And if not I hope we will be better despite tomorrow.
Thanks for reaching out.