No one wins at tragedy. It simply is for a thousand million reasons. There is no try hard enough. There is no magic steps, no 3 easy steps, no “if I had only.” To have known tragedy is to have known regret. It is to have known guilt. It is to have known rage.
Many times it simply comes with being a human being who cares about another human being. Few things tear the soul as much as watching someone you care about go through a hurt that you can not fix or even touch.
Life is many things…. Many good things….But sometimes it is tragedy. And you don’t fix it or cope with it. You survive.
The first kindness is to yourself. You do the best you can. It is not what you want or what you feel like you should. It is what you can. You give yourself grace for this day and know that tomorrow you must do the same.
It is not about lessons to be learned although sometimes lessons are learned. It is not about what to do although what you do makes a difference. It is about how you live when it seems like it makes no difference what you do. It is about knowing that life is tragedy but more than tragedy. It is about not knowing why and knowing sometimes we don’t.
It is sometimes about feeling a loneliness you are sure is unto death. It is about having someone else carry your hope when you know you no longer can.
It is in the end forgiveness. Forgiveness of yourself, of others, of life, of God. It is in finding life again when it seems unlikely or impossible to find.
I have known tragedy. I know it now. This post is for my friend Bill who also knows tragedy. Losing someone you love to Alzheimers is a torture I can barely imagine.
Know that many care.
I hope tomorrow is good and you find peace from this horrible storm.