I can’t do hatred…. Not because I don’t sometimes think it is warranted. Not because I don’t think it is sometimes justified.
I can’t do hatred because I don’t believe in it. I can’t do hatred because I believe in it too much.
Donald Trump is much of what I despise in a human being. Much of what passes for public policy or public positions leaves me appalled. Reading the news often leaves me in a rage. So many people seem to live with basic injustice as part of their daily experience. I am not sure how not to be mad.
But hatred, at least for me, takes it a step more. It involves me doing to them what I would not tolerate them doing to me. It involves me believing they are what I call them and nothing more than what I call them. It easily captures me. It makes things make sense to me that don’t make sense. It gives me permission that I neither need or want. It makes things easy for me I don’t want to be easy.
The other person may or may not deserve to be hated. I deserve more than the hating.
It doesn’t mean I can’t be angry. I will.
It doesn’t mean I can’t fight back. I can.
It doesn’t mean I excuse the inexcusable. I don’t.
It means I refuse to let myself be captured. The hardest thing I know to believe is that even at their worst people are people. It would be so much easier if they won’t. Sometimes I wonder.
In a strange way it helps to live in Tennessee. Many people I know believe very differently than me. Many come from similar experiences and still see things different than me. People are people even at their worst.
I have known what it is like to be categorized, to be labeled and to be dismissed and put down. In so much as I can, in so much as I am aware I try everyday not to do that to other people.
Much of our public discussions seem to never go much past seeking destruction of each other. I wonder if there is a solution down that road. I am beginning to doubt that. How can we ever find common path, something we stand for if everything just confirms and intensifies how much we cannot stand each other?
I don’t know if any of this feels true for you. It does for me. It is not meant as a criticism of anyone else, but a statement for me. None of this is ever done. I fight the same battle every day and sometimes I lose.
I think anger can be in the service of love. I think it is best in the service of love. I would prefer my life be more than what seems essential to destroy but also what seems essential to build. I don’t know if any of this makes sense and I know some of these are gray lines at best. Sometimes you can do only your best.
For today I will try not to buy into hate. It seems such an easy, almost common sense response right now. I think we have a harder, a much harder, road to hoe.