There are points in my life- call them click points for lack of a better term- where I am particularly vulnerable, particularly likely to overreact, particularly likely to distort my perceptions, particularly likely to react in an impulsive manner and particularly likely to make a bad situation worse. I think it is probably true of everyone.
If you think of life as a continuum of better to worse there is a point on that continuum, a point where more often than not whatever the situation, whatever the challenge that I am likely to blow it. There is a point when things are going bad enough I need to step back, and regroup. There is a point where I need to be very aware of what I cant do at that point in time and act to protect myself. There is a point where I need to trust that I cant trust myself.
I have tried to become more acutely aware of my limits. If I am not as often as not I solve one problem by creating another. I am convinced that many times I have made things much worse by ignoring taking care of me. Doing too much. Doing it too long. Doing it at the wrong time. And then when things don’t work out trying to double down and do it more often, for longer times, without regard to situations. At the best of times we have an amazing ability to justify anything we want to do. Under distress, in misery we have a genius to do it.
I don’t have a greatidea how to become aware of your click points. I have a hard enough time with mine. Part of it is knowing there is such a thing. There is a time we are particularly likely to make bad situations worse. Most people do what they usually do most of the time. We do what is normal. And sometimes we stuck in a normal that is just part of the misery we want to get rid of. Part of it is getting in the habit of taking a step back and trying to calibrate your day. know how your day is going and whether or not it is going better or worse. We often cant solve things. I can testify to that. But a major survival skill is learning, not how to solve things, but learning how to not make them worse.
Someone once told me the reason he had such a hard time making friends is that he had never learned to make friends with himself. Be your friend. Life is, predictably and persistently hard in my experience. Part of finding a better life is figuring out how not to make the one you are in worse.